Onboarding Sounds Like Waterboarding.

A day of onboarding activities is a delirious waste of productive time.

Just like mandatory corporate fun.

I don't want to team build.

I don't want to listen to someone pontificate on how I can better align with the corporate culture.

I don't want to learn how I can live the company's values.

I have a team (that conveniently shares an address and dinner table with me).

I have a culture that has nothing to do with work (and it involves a lot of getting dirty in a garden).

I have a set of values that I live every minute of every day. Heck, I've even written about my rules, and how everything is a matter of integrity.

So what do I want?

I want to do my best work, collect my paycheck, and get back to the people and things that matter.

Keep the fruit punch. It's just that much more for everyone who cares about such things.